Welcome to Undoing, Women on the Threshold and the Journey and Beyond. I'm your host, Janie Duncan. This is a space for the brave and the becoming. Women who are redefining success, power, and purpose on their own terms. Each week we step into honest, unguarded conversations with women who have dared to pulse, pivot, or completely unravel what no longer fits. These are women who are standing at the threshold. They're deep in the messy middle, and they're emerging with something truer, deeper, and more aligned than what came before. Together, we explore what happens when we let go of old identities, untangle the narratives we've inherited, and choose to trust the parts of us that are still taking shape. Because courage isn't about holding everything together, it's about letting yourself unravel so what's real can rise. This is Undoing. I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to In Real Time, a solo episode of Undoing. Today is just you, me, and a question I've been sitting with. What happens when we say yes to something that our current identity can't yet fully carry? I've been thinking a lot lately about what it takes to become someone you've never been before. Not accomplish something, perform a thing, or do a job, but become someone. Like the self emerging into a new version of self. I'm in this exact place right now. I've said yes to putting my voice out in the world. In goal speak, I'm becoming a professional speaker. I feel myself stretching into this evolving version of me like when I was a kid and my mom bought me new shoes. She always bought them a little too big. They fit, and I had to grow into them. Did this ever happen to you? Where you would put on the new shoes and you would start to run across the room and trip over the tips of your shoes. Anyway, developing as a speaker is something I've wanted for a while. And it's time. It just feels right. Public speaking isn't exactly something new in my work. I've done a lot of it over my career. The kind of speaking that comes with the territory of being a CEO and representing my organization, or when I published my book a few years ago, and I started getting it out in the world as a speaker. But this is a different kind of speaking, actually claiming professional speaker as an identity and a primary part of my business, developing content around what I most want to say and how I want to support my audiences. So in setting this goal, the number one thing I thought it would take to achieve it is discipline. That day in, day out dedication, focus, making the plan and working the plan. But actually, what I've learned is that it's something different. It's not discipline, it's devotion. And here's how I learned this. A few months ago, while this podcast was still in development, I was struggling. I was struggling because starting something is really hard. It's not exactly starting from nothing because I draw in my experience and work I've done over my career that's prepared me for this. But it's new nonetheless. I was struggling because it requires being willing to not know, putting in time to learn and trying and failing. It can be a grind. And I was struggling to manage this upstart while still running all the other more mature parts of my business, the executive coaching, leadership development, strategic advising. And then an idea came to me. Find something adjacent to this goal that will help propel me forward. And I thought of a pacer, like a pace runner in running events or a pace car in auto races. Have you ever had a thing where you got so wrapped up in it, obsessed, that that behavior began to get in your way? That happened to me with this podcast project. I needed to lift up and get a new perspective, to move my sight to something else, and for that something else to support me in this journey. I thought about it for a while. And then I found it. I decided to sign up for a cycling event. It's similar to my work goal in that it's something I want to do, a stretch, like it's a distance farther than anything I've ever done. And with a plan and hard work, it's possible, even though not certain. The event is Cycle North Carolina's mountains to sea ride, a 500-mile trek over seven days. That's about 70 miles a day. And let me put this in perspective. I like cycling. I consider myself a recreational biker. I have a road bike, I have a trail bike, and my wife and I love biking together. But the most I've ever cycled at once is about 40 miles. And I was in my 20s when I did it. I'm a little older today. And as I sat there staring at the Cycle North Carolina event on my laptop, I could feel my heart beating faster with excitement as I read about the experience. And before I could reason myself out of it, I punched Register and quickly shut my laptop. I was like, oh, I sat, I sat on the couch alone in my house. And it's like these waves of both thrill and terror just washed over me. And I wondered, what have I done? And like, how am I going to do this? And so to settle my nervous system, I did the next best thing. I dove into AI and developed my training plan. I printed that 20-page document and slapped it on the kitchen table, waiting for my wife to come home. And when she walked in the door, I started telling her all about it. And especially, want to do it with me? I asked. Nope. And so began my solo journey. Fast forward to now, I ride about every other day. My distances are growing, and I notice so many things changing. The muscles in my body look and feel different. My endurance is building, and the hills, they're getting easier. I literally feel myself becoming a cyclist. And then, during the training ride this past weekend, a thought came to me as if someone spoke it. This isn't about discipline. It's about devotion. Which is kind of weird because I don't even use the word devotion in my everyday language. But that's what came to me, as clear as could be. I looked it up, devotion. The act of showing deep passionate affection, loyalty, or dedication to someone, something, or a higher cause. Precisely. I cycle not because I have something to prove or because I have to do it. I do it because I love it. Being outdoors, moving my body, smelling the fresh cut grass, feeling the cool morning air on my skin, and seeing the rolling farmland and horses. And I speak because I want to share some insights about what I've learned in my life that might help others in their own. Big dreams don't simply require bigger effort. They require a bigger identity. An emerging identity isn't built in one courageous leap, it's built in the ordinary, often unglamorous acts of becoming, like deciding, practicing, asking for help, learning new skills, returning day after day. Discipline asks, can I make myself do this today? Devotion asks, who am I becoming by choosing this again today? There's always a gap between the current self and the aspirational future self. It's easy to assume the gap is about competence, but it's more than that. I don't become a speaker because someone hands me a microphone. I become a speaker because I gradually become the kind of person who has something to say and is willing to say it, who trusts her voice, who keeps refining her craft long after the novelty wears off. Likewise, I don't become an endurance cyclist because I buy or have a bike. I become one because my life slowly reorganizes itself around training, recovery, nutrition, and consistency. And ultimately, it's not even about cycling or speaking. The goal isn't the destination, it's the person you're becoming. Both cycling and speaking are teaching me how identity is formed. And I've landed on three key things. First, identity begins with a decision. I'm doing this, not I'll try or I hope or I'll see. Identity often begins long before the evidence exists. Like with my biking, the last time I rode with any significance was in my twenties. It's a little evidence a long time ago. So not much proof here. With speaking, sure, I've done it over my career, but not like this, and certainly never any kind of voice work or broadcasting. It's a leap of faith in acting as if doing it before you are it, until you become it. Second, identity is built through ordinary repetition. Once the decision is made, comes the training plan, learning bike maintenance, figuring out fueling for long rides, and slowly increasing mileage. None of these moments by themselves feel transformational, but collectively, they are transforming me. And this is exactly what's happening as I become a speaker. No single podcast episode or speech makes me a speaker. It's every conversation, every draft, every story rewritten, every hour thinking deeply, every chance to practice. And lastly, identity is sustained through living and loving it. You can't borrow identity. There are no shortcuts, and oh my gosh, how I wish there were. But you cannot skip ahead. You can't buy it, you can't fake it, you become it slowly, almost invisibly, until one day other people call you what you've quietly been becoming all along. So back to devotion over discipline. Devotion survives the days when motivation disappears. It gets on that bike, it edits the talk, it records the podcast episode, but not because it has to, but because it loves what it's becoming. So I'm curious about you. What is something in your life that has your attention or that you're wanting that feels just beyond your current identity? How do you know you're ready to act on something that feels beyond you? You don't. At least I don't think you do. Not in the cognitive, rational way of certainty. But I do believe we as humans have an intuitive knowing. It shows up like that racing heartbeat or an idea that just keeps tapping on your shoulder that won't go away. And maybe you're already in the midst of developing a new thing. What would change if you stopped asking yourself whether you're disciplined enough and started focusing more on how much you love the thing you're creating, allowing that energy to pull you forward. Thank you for joining me on Undoing. I hope today's episode offered you a moment of recognition, resonance, or relief, something that reminds you that you're not alone in your journey. This is an opportunity to tune into your inner wisdom and open to what's wanting to emerge. If you're enjoying this podcast, please share it with a friend or colleague. Leave a review and follow the show. Until next time, what's the undoing that needs to happen in you?